We all knew this time would come. I am honestly grateful we’ve made it this long with my mom still here. She is currently still here but it has come to the point that she is really getting limited on how many days she has left. We obviously aren’t God and can’t say for sure, but we are all trying to make sure she is as comfortable as she can be for when she takes her final breath.
She had a rough weekend and has been in her bed since Sunday. Starting Monday she has been non verbal, eyes closed just making noises when you ask her something, but not really alert. She’s been very restless over the last few days with what the nurses call “terminal restlessness”. It’s been hard to watch her just lay there knowing there’s not much I can do to help.
My mom is such a fighter and I think she’s still trying to fight now. She literally never stops fighting through all of this. The nurses said it was important to let her know that it was okay for her to go and that we would all be okay, because that may make it easier for her to stop fighting and get comfortable. I told her yesterday, “I love you so much mom. You have been the best mom to us. We will be okay, you can quit fighting now.” Honestly, that was so hard to say because I selfishly don’t want her to go, but at this point that’s what’s best for her. She didn’t respond to me any but they say she can still hear you. She was like that until today when we all went over and my Grandmama told me she responded to her and said “I love you too”, so I went in and talked to her again. I told her I loved her and with her eyes closed she said “I love you too”. I told her, “Morgan wants me to tell you she loves you too” she responded, “I love her too”. I told her, “It’s okay for you to quit fighting now, I know you’re tired. We will be okay”, and she didn’t respond verbally but just moved her eyes around while closed and mumbled something. I know she had to have heard me that time telling her it was okay, since she responded to the things I was saying. She responded a few more times when we’d ask her things the rest of the day. Not really much of anything though just mmhm, uh uh, and a few more words here and there. Before I left for the day I kissed her cheek and told her, “I’m leaving, I’ll see you later. I love you”. She responded again, “I love you too”. The medicine they have started her on now for the restlessness may keep her asleep, so her saying “I love you too” today may have been the last time I hear that again from her. Which is an absolute blessing because the day before I didn’t think I’d hear her say anything again.
The days will be long and hard from here on out on everyone in our family. Please keep her and everyone else in your prayers. The family doesn’t really want visitors at this time so please respect our wishes and know we are thankful for everyone who has been praying for her and us and checking in. She has an army behind her and I know everyone is wondering how she is, so I thought this would be the easiest way to update everyone and keep asking for the prayers.
Edited by: Morgan Marynissen